Queen of Monsters and Madness Read online

  His eyes drooped as he washed his face and loosened the ties at his throat. He’d hardly slept in the last few weeks and it had caught up to him. He brushed his fingertips along the stubble on his cheeks and jaw. He should shave it, but he didn’t have the energy. His body was demanding sleep. It was a damn miracle he hadn’t fallen asleep standing up.

  He turned from the wash basin and glanced between the large chair and the foot of their bed. He longed to sleep in a regular bed, but it wasn’t worth scaring Sage.

  Tehl lugged the chair around the bed and sat by his wife’s side, staring at her pale face. It was odd watching someone sleep, but it brought him a measure of peace. She was close and safe.

  Even with the dark bruising beneath her eyes from lack of sleep, she was a beauty. It was like she’d popped out of a fairytale. A fairy princess. He smiled at the thought. How would she react if she heard him comparing her to a helpless princess?

  His smile dimmed. Sage needed his help, but she wasn’t a helpless princess. She was a king’s warrior.

  He brushed his thumb across the top of her hand, an unexpected swell of emotion rocking him. He could have lost her today.

  An uncomfortable heat filled his eyes. “I don’t know what he did to you,” he whispered, “but understand I’ll protect you with my dying breath. I’ll protect you from yourself and from your nightmares. But, to do these things, I need you to fight. You’re one of the most stubborn women I’ve ever met.” He smiled and swiped at his eyes. “Don’t let someone take what you love the most from you. He may have taken some of your time, but don’t let him steal your future, because I’ll fight for that, too. I’ll fight for us.”

  Tehl

  In the middle of the night, three things happened: the room lit up with a flash of lightning, followed by a tremendous crash of thunder, and then Sage screamed.

  He had lurched up from a full sleep as if slapped across the face, grabbing the dagger at his waist, heart threatening to beat right out of his chest. What in the hell?

  For a second, he sat panting, his eyes wildly searching the darkened room for danger. Had someone gotten inside?

  Another round of lightning and thunder brought another scream and lit the room in a ghostly light for one blinding moment. Their door thudded open, light pouring into the room. Tehl blinked furiously, his fingers tightening around the dagger in his hand.

  “Are you and the princess all right?” Garreth asked, his body a silhouette in the doorway.

  Tehl shook his head, trying to clear the spots from his vision, and glanced at Sage. She trembled in the bed, her eyes wide, gaze unseeing. A nightmare.

  “She’s dreaming,” he whispered, horror pricking his skin at the utter terror on her face. “I need to wake her up.”

  “Do it gently, or you’ll make it worse,” Garreth admonished. “Do you need any help?”

  “No.” He didn’t want anyone to see Sage at her worst. She’d hate that. She deserved her dignity and privacy. “Thank you.”

  “It’s nothing, my lord.” Garreth stepped into the hallway and closed the door, casting the room into darkness once again.

  Tehl sheathed his dagger and smoothed a hand over Sage’s arm. “Sage? You need to wake up.”

  She jerked, her eyes wild, more cries pouring from her throat. She rocked away from him and struggled against the covers wrapped around her legs.

  “Let go,” she whimpered.

  He eased from his chair and circled the bed, avoiding pieces of furniture, the hairs standing up on his body as she cried out again. The sound unhinged him, cut him to the heart. No one should experience that kind of fear. What had the warlord done to her? What caused this sort of fear? He pushed aside his thoughts and focused on the terrified creature in his bed.

  “Sage? You need to wake up, love,” he crooned, barely making out her terrified features in the dark, only illuminated by the dying embers of the hearth and flashes of lightning. “No one will hurt you. You’re okay.”

  But she didn’t hear him. Didn’t see him. No recognition registered on her face.

  “Trapped,” she cried, wrenching the blankets from her body and then tearing at her nightgown.

  “Love.” He reached out and paused, remembering the last time he touched her during a nightmare.

  She’d attacked him with a ferocity that bespoke of an unfathomable pain and rage, but that’s when they barely knew each other. Maybe she’d react differently this time. He’d have to move carefully.

  He reached a hand out and brushed her cheek. “It’s only a dream, love. Look at me.”

  Sage slapped his hand away. “Hot, so hot,” she moaned, her sweaty hair whipping around her face.

  Momentary shock rendered him motionless as she yanked her gown over her head. He jerked and glanced away from her as heat rushed through him.

  So much skin.

  Stars above, how was he supposed to wake her now?

  Tehl glanced at her from the corner of his eye as she wrapped her arms around her legs and rocked side to side giving him a peek of what she hid behind her billowing shirts and tight leather vests.

  He whipped around and stared at the wall, cursing his body. The circumstances were terrible for him to feel anything for his pretty wife. One flash of creamy skin, and his mind had blanked. Was he so weak? No, he wasn’t. It was just a physical reaction. It didn’t mean he was a bad person. If he acted on it… Disgust curdled in his belly. He couldn’t even finish the thought.

  He pinched the bridge of his nose and forced his mind to the problem at hand. How could he soothe her when she was so wild and naked? A memory surfaced of his mother singing to him when he was a child. That had always calmed him when he’d been scared. If only he could remember the words. If he couldn’t, he’d just have to make up his own. Tehl exhaled heavily. Singing was not his talent, but he’d exhaust all options before trying to hold her down again.

  Clearing his throat, he began to hum gently, still not looking in her direction. Hopefully his rusty voice wouldn’t make it worse. He inhaled and began to sing softly.

  Darling, darling, there’s nothing to fear.

  The sun is rising, so there’s no need for tears.

  I’ll hold you and protect you in the dark of night.

  The shadows can’t touch you, so there’s no need for fright.

  * * *

  Darling, darling, there’s nothing to fear.

  The dawn is approaching, and the sky is clear.

  I’ll fight your demons and all of your foes,

  I love and adore you more than you’ll ever know.

  * * *

  Darling, darling, there’s nothing to fear.

  The night gives way, for the new day is near.

  I’ll tell you my secrets to keep you awake,

  Nothing can hurt you, so there’s no need to quake.

  * * *

  Darling, darling, there’s nothing to fear.

  The sun is rising, so there’s no need for tears.

  He sang the verses over and over for what could have been minutes or hours. His throat was hoarse when a hiccupping sob, different from the feral cries, came from behind him.

  “Sage, love?” he called, his voice rusty.

  “Tehl?” she whispered.

  He glanced over his shoulder, keeping his gaze on his wife’s face. Her haunted eyes met his, tears slipping from the corners of them. She looked wrecked.

  “You were having a bad dream,” he explained.

  She slapped her hands over her eyes and sobbed anew. “I’m sorry,” she cried. “I’m so sorry.”

  Tehl shifted around and averted his eyes as he pulled a sheet up over Sage’s body. She may not be concerned over her modesty, but he was.

  “There’s nothing to be sorry about.” He reached out again to comfort her, but hesitated. She hated comfort after a nightmare. His jaw popped as he clenched his teeth and pulled back. Time to give her space.

  He moved to stand when her hand touched his arm.

&
nbsp; “Please, don’t leave me.”

  He glanced at her in surprise. “I’m not leaving you. I’m moving to my chair.”

  She shuddered, tears still slipping free, and held up the covers. A clear invitation.

  He tried not to gape. That had never happened before. She’d always clammed up and pretended he wasn’t there. She’d regret this in the morning. Sage hated others seeing her at her weakest.

  Tehl patted her hand. “You don’t need to worry. I’ll be right next to you in the chair.”

  “Please,” she begged, her voice breaking.

  Only one word, but it broke something inside him. He could give her this. She might resent him tomorrow, but he’d be damned if he turned away from her when she needed him the most and her plea was well within his power to grant.

  Tehl placed his hand over hers and lowered the blanket. He crawled over the bed and lay beside her, brushing her tears from her damp face. “It’s okay,” he murmured, even though nothing was okay. “I’ve got you.”

  Her deep emerald gaze mapped his face slowly, as if she searched for something, and another sob burst free as she snuggled into his arms. He stiffened and held absolutely still as she burrowed into him, her face now pressed to his chest, sobs bursting from her in a rough, tortured way.

  He slowly slid his arms around her and hugged her to him as she shook in his arms. He kissed the top of her head and whispered comforting words while staring out of the balcony door windows.

  This was the first time he’d ever held a woman like this. It should have been a wonderful moment, but a hollowness filled him. The warlord had taken this from them. He trembled, trying to keep his emotions in check. This was not how it was supposed to happen. It was unfair.

  Sage hiccupped, her fingers knotting in his shirt as her body shuddered. He’d kill the warlord for what he’d done. He’d suffer.

  His wife whimpered, pulling him away from his morbid thoughts. Blinking, he loosened his grasp, knowing he’d been holding her a little too tight. The leader of Scythia would experience justice, but not tonight.

  Tonight, Tehl focused on Sage. She needed him.

  He began humming the lullaby while brushing his nose along the crown of her head, her cinnamon scent filling his nose. That brought him a measure of comfort. Everything was different, but at least she smelled the same. That was a constant, and it somehow grounded him.

  Tehl rubbed one hand up and down her back, continuing to hum. Her tremors slowed, and, soon, she fell quiet. He wondered if she’d pull back, but she didn’t—if anything she pressed closer. The storm quieted except for the patter of rain against the windows.

  His arm began to ache, and he shifted to his back, trying not to disturb her. He expected her to stay where she was, but Sage cuddled up to his side. Tehl slowly lifted his arm, and she pressed her cheek against his shoulder, her hand laying on his chest.

  He swallowed and stared down at the small hand over his heart. Was it wrong to enjoy the sensation of skin pressed to his? He hated the circumstances. Hated it. But he’d always wanted companionship.

  Carefully, he lifted his right hand and placed it over hers. He sucked in a breath when she laced their fingers together and sighed, her breath ghosting over his neck.

  “Thank you.”

  Her words were so soft, he almost didn’t hear them.

  “It’s nothing.”

  “No, it’s everything,” she murmured. “You’ve helped me and gained nothing in return.”

  It didn’t feel that way. He had his wife in his arms for the first time, willingly. That felt like a great boon when, only months ago, he thought she’d stab him before sharing a bed with him.

  “It’s my duty.” What a fib. It wasn’t his duty. It was his privilege.

  She hummed and scooted closer. “Don’t let them get me.”

  His throat tightened at her words. “Never.”

  His arm hurt.

  Tehl shifted to relieve the pain and scooted closer to the blazing warmth. His hands caressed silky skin, and he smiled, completely content. When was the last time he woke up so relaxed?

  Blinking his eyes open, all his lethargy evaporated. Green eyes watched him from underneath dark lashes. He glanced to his hand, which played along Sage’s spine.

  Her very naked spine.

  He started to pull his hand back when Sage halted him, her hand grasping his bicep.

  “It’s okay,” she murmured. “It was nice.”

  He swallowed, out of his depth. Who was the creature in his bed? He didn’t understand this Sage. His Sage would’ve yelled and threatened to stab him for taking such liberty without her express permission.

  His mouth bobbed when she pressed closer, a contented sigh brushing across his neck hotly. He shifted, not knowing where to put his hands as little details began to filter in the longer he was awake.

  His eyes dipped, and he jerked, his gaze moving over her head, not daring to glance down at the beautiful naked body pressed against him. The sheet had slid down at some point in the night to expose her upper half.

  Tehl took a shallow breath through his mouth as heat rushed through his veins and her scent swirled around him. This was not happening. He’d be the biggest cad in the world to react to her after the god-awful night she’d had. It was wrong, and yet his body had other ideas that had him scowling.

  “It’s okay, Tehl. We’re married,” she whispered.

  He stilled. It felt like a trick. A dirty, dirty trick. What did she really want?

  Tehl kept his gaze averted but still stroked her skin. He couldn’t help it. She was so soft, and he never thought he’d get the chance.

  “You’ve been through hell,” he rasped. “I won’t take advantage of you, even if you wished it.”

  The words were easy to say, controlling himself was infinitely harder. He placed a kiss on the crown of her head and ran his fingers through her hair. There. Those were safe touches, weren’t they?

  He cleared his throat while concentrating on the storm outside. “Are you hungry?” he asked. She had to be hungry. She’d hardly eaten anything in the last couple of days.

  Her body grew rigid in his arms, and yet he didn’t dare to look down. There was too much to tempt him. Too much to look at that he didn’t have a right to. Yet.

  His breath hissed out as she pulled away from him and abruptly sat up, flashing him the side of one breast and her entire bare back before he snapped his eyes closed and sat up with his back to her.

  That wasn’t an image he’d ever forget. He shuddered as the sheets rustled and he placed his head in his hands. What was wrong with him? He’d slept with her before. Why was he having such a hard time now?

  “I’m famished,” she said, her voice wooden, nothing like it had been a minute ago.

  His brows furrowed as he dragged a hand across his mouth. Did he offend her? Had she noticed his reaction? “I’ll ring, so we can break our fast,” he said brightly, even though he was worn out and confused.

  “Appreciated,” her hollow voice answered.

  “You’re welcome.”

  Brilliant. Now she was down to one-word sentences. He’d done something wrong.

  He stared at the pale plastered wall across from the bed, feeling very lost and young. Somehow, he always managed to muck everything up. It was one mistake after another.

  Unbidden, the image of her bare body flashed through his mind, causing his teeth to snap together.

  What was that all about? Sage never let him see a scrap of her skin before she disappeared. The only time he saw her tempting curves were when she dressed in one of Lilja’s dresses for dinner, a dress that appeared to have been poured over her body.

  Again, he asked himself, who was the strange creature in his bed? Sage was here with him, but not his Sage. It was like he didn’t know her at all.

  His heart sank.

  They were back to the beginning. They were two strangers.

  He knew her return wouldn’t be without its difficulties.
He understood she wouldn’t come back as the same person, but it still hurt. They hadn’t been the best of friends, but at least they knew where the other person stood, who they were.

  But now he hadn’t a clue.

  Tehl rubbed a hand across his heart where their hands had rested all night.

  Despite all the negatives, maybe there was some good as well.

  Sage had never initiated physical contact unless it was needed. Today, she wanted affection from him just because she enjoyed it.

  Some of his concern melted away.

  That was a step in the right direction.

  It would take time to get to know each other, but they’d gone through it once already. They wouldn’t make the same mistakes this time.

  For better or worse, she was his, and he was hers.

  Sage

  He didn’t want her, that much was clear.

  She gazed out the windows at the turbulent ocean, white frothy tips capping the stormy waves. That’s exactly how she felt inside. Everything crashed against each other in a raging mess. The wind howled, and Sage wanted to rush onto the balcony and howl, too, if only it would relieve some of the rejection trapped inside her.

  Her fingers brushed along the thin, fine linen covering her lap, worrying at the material.

  Last night hadn’t been what she’d expected. She knew the nightmares would come for her. They always did. The worst of it all was waking up and searching for him. Wanting the warmth and comfort he’d provided her even though the warlord was the reason she fought terrors each waking moment.

  And yet…she wanted him.

  Her fingers knotted in the fabric as shame and revulsion churned in her belly. What kind of sick person missed their torturer?

  She breathed through the nausea and peeked over her shoulder at Tehl. She’d done him a disservice last night. He’d done everything in his power to care and comfort her while she’d been pining for another. No wonder he wouldn’t look at her this morning. She was a whore. She was even dressed as a wanton woman.