Queen of Monsters and Madness Read online

  “They will,” Sage said. There wasn’t any other choice.

  “In hundreds of years, they’ve done nothing, despite my entreaties. What makes you think they will now when they wouldn’t listen to one of their own?”

  “Ezra.” Saying his name hurt her.

  Lilja’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Who’s Ezra?”

  “A Sirenidae I met in Scythia.” Sage bowed her head. “He was my doctor.”

  “Your doctor?” Hayjen asked. “As in he worked with the warlord?”

  “Something like that,” she murmured. “I thought he was my friend…until he tried to drown me.”

  Tehl sucked in a sharp breath.

  “I was bathing one day when he appeared by my side.”

  The memory rose to the forefront of her mind, unbidden.

  Ezra knelt beside the pool, his face looking infinitely sad as he leaned toward her.

  “Wh-what are you doing here?” she screeched, blinking water out of her eyes. “Get out!”

  He dipped his finger into the water and drew a pattern. “You’re too good for our world, Sage. You shouldn’t be here.”

  She took a tiny step away from him. Something in his voice was off. It sounded as if someone had died. “Thank you. If you give me a moment, I’ll get dressed and come out to you.”

  His lips tipped up, but he didn’t look up from his water drawings. “Do you remember when we spoke of peace?”

  Chills erupted along her arms. Something wasn’t right. Why was he bringing that up now? She glided back another step, eyeing the stairs that led out of the pool. She darted a look to the open door. No guards. Could she make it out of the pool, to the outer door? Unlikely.

  “Yes,” she said, slowly twisting toward the Sirenidae. She jerked when her gaze clashed with his.

  “I want to give you peace,” he whispered, and something akin to determination altered his expression. “I’m going to help you end your suffering.”

  She balked and opened her mouth to scream, but he lunged. Water closed around her face as he shoved her under. What the bloody hell? Her feet touched the bottom, and she propelled herself to the surface.

  Gasping for air, she pushed toward the stairs, panic building in her breast. All she needed to do was make it to the stairs. Her foot landed on one stair, then two, and then three. Hope blossomed. Maybe she would make it.

  A shriek flew out of her as a hand grabbed her ankle. Her palms slammed against the stone, and her chin cracked against the step’s edge, clicking her teeth together. Dark spots dotted her vision, and the room swirled. She dug her fingers into the stone as she was pulled back and kicked at his hand.

  “Let GO!”

  He jerked harder, and her nails broke, her hands slipping. She sucked in another breath and screamed, the sound piercing the air, and echoing around the empty room.

  She scrambled forward when the hand released her ankle, but she didn’t make it far. Ezra’s arm wrapped around her torso, and his hand slapped across her mouth, cutting off her screams. He towed her back into the pool, kicking and screaming.

  “Don’t do this,” she pleaded from behind his hand.

  “I’m sorry…” His voice broke. “I have to save you from him. I won’t let you be used. You deserve peace after everything you’ve suffered. I’m going to grant you at least that.”

  Her eyes widened. He was really going to do it. Ezra was going to drown her.

  She pulled in a deep breath through her nose when he kissed the top of her head and pulled her under. All sound disappeared except for Ezra’s soft humming. She struggled against him, bit at his hand, raked her broken nails down his arms. But he didn’t budge. Panic filled her as her lungs burned, begging for air. She flung her head back and crashed it into his face in a blind panic. She needed air. Now. But even that didn’t help. It earned her a hand around her throat.

  Unable to hold her breath any longer, she sucked in a breath and choked. Her body spasmed at the invasion in her lungs. It burned. Stories said drowning was peaceful, but those were lies. Her body seized, trying to get rid of the fluid. She tried to claw her way to the air, the surface of the pool just above her, taunting her. She gazed at her hair floating around the pool and closed her eyes. This was how she would die.

  Suddenly, something slammed into her, breaking the vise around her torso and throat.

  She touched her throat, flinching at the rough texture, her story dying off. She could still feel the echo of his hands around her throat.

  Sage met Lilja’s pained gaze. “He didn’t want to hurt me. He wanted to spare me the pain of what he knew was coming.” She swallowed. “There were many times I wished I had died then.”

  Tehl cursed under his breath as Lilja’s eyes became watery. But Sage continued.

  “That’s everyone’s future if we do not band together and fight. The Sirenidae are naïve if they don’t think Scythia will come for them. If Ezra was working with him, what makes you think others won’t to save their families, their friends?” She let the question hang in the air before she continued. “I know what I would do for my family. Anything. No one is safe until he is gone.”

  “We don’t disagree with you,” Lilja said softly.

  “Good, then you’ll arrange a meeting,” Tehl said.

  Hayjen and Lilja exchanged a glance before looking between the two of them.

  “We will do our best, and you’ll have your meeting, but I can’t make any promises that they’ll listen. However, know this, we’ll be on your side.”

  “Will that make a difference?” Tehl asked.

  Her uncle cast a sharp look his way.

  The crown prince held up a hand. “Your support means something to us, but, when it comes to negotiation, only those who possess power matter.”

  Blunt as ever. Tehl wasn’t wrong. Sage arched a brow at her silent aunt as if to say, ‘do you want me to tell him or will you?’

  “That won’t be an issue,” her aunt supplied. “I may be banished, but I’m still a daughter of the king.”

  Tehl blinked but otherwise didn’t react. “Well, that’s… fortuitous.”

  “Indeed,” Sage said.

  Lilja pinned her with an unreadable look. “We will arrange the meeting within the next two weeks in exchange for something.”

  Of course, she wanted something. The woman was a bloody pirate for heaven’s sakes.

  “Next week,” Tehl cut in. “Time is against us.”

  She nodded gracefully. “Within the week.” Her attention turned back to Sage. “I’d like to have a conversation with you in private.”

  That worked perfectly. Sage also wished to speak to her aunt in private. “Then it’s agreed.”

  Tehl held out his hand, and Lilja clasped his forearm.

  “We’re in accord.”

  “We are.”

  The Sireniade turned her attention back to Sage. “Can we speak now?”

  “Yes.” She turned to Tehl who watched her. “Would you like us to go someplace else?”

  He shook his head. “I’m in need of a bout or two.” He jerked his chin at Hayjen. “Would you like to join me in the ring?”

  Her uncle smiled, and it was a bit feral. “I always enjoy a good bout.” He pushed from his chair and smacked a kiss against his wife’s cheek as Tehl stood. The crown prince moved around his chair and placed a hand on Sage’s shoulder, squeezing.

  “If you need me, send for me.”

  “I’ll be fine,” she said softly.

  “I know.” He said it simply. Like he believed it to be the honest truth.

  Sage smiled at him and reached up to give his hand a squeeze. “Once we’re done, maybe you could bring your book back?” The question hung in the air.

  He blinked. “I’d like that.”

  “Okay.” She fought a blush as he stared at her like he was trying to see inside her mind. The fact was that she didn’t want to be alone, and she enjoyed his company. When she was alone, her monsters liked to come out and play.


  He released her and strode across the room, each step purposeful, and flung open the door. Hayjen followed him, and a rush of nervousness and anger slammed into Sage as the door quietly clicked shut.

  Sage turned to her aunt and cocked her head. “You’ve gotten me alone. What do you want?”

  Lilja

  Hostility and anger radiated off Sage. It was evident in every line of her niece’s body. Even the way she tilted her head spoke of her readiness to fight. It pained Lilja to see her like that, but she knew it well. She’d been there herself. It had been years, but some days, it felt like yesterday.

  “I want nothing from you,” she said softly.

  Sage tossed her head with an unladylike snort. “You and I both know you don’t want nothing. Stop lying to me, or is it such a habit by now that it comes naturally?”

  “That was earned,” Lilja said. “It’s natural to be angry when someone keeps the truth from you. I can’t change the past, but I can apologize. I am sorry.”

  Her niece gazed out the windows. “I know you’re sorry, but it doesn’t make it okay.”

  “You’re right. Apologizing is only half of it. Taking the steps to correct the misdeed is what matters.”

  Sage nodded and bit her lips as if to keep from saying what was on her mind.

  “Ma fleur, tell me what’s troubling you,” Lilja asked gently.

  “I can’t understand why you did nothing. The women,” Sage choked, her green eyes flashing. “They are suffering so much and yet you kept silent. I don’t understand why you didn’t say anything to me months ago. I would have believed you. I would have pressed the crown.”

  “You weren’t ready.”

  “Not ready? No, you weren’t ready to let go of your freedom.”

  A spark of anger flared in her chest, but Lilja tamped it down. Sage was hurt, lost, and looking for someone to blame for the atrocities she’d gone through. She needed to be calm. She could handle her niece’s rage and pain. She needed someone like Lilja to help her, because they were more alike than she knew.

  “There was a time when I felt the same as you. When I came out of Scythia, I was more broken than a person should be.” Lilja looked at her hands, still able to feel the weight of her tiny daughter in her arms. “I lost more than just myself in that hellhole. I lost my daughter.”

  Sage’s eyes widened, and Lilja’s breath hitched. Even now, after all these years, a pain unlike anything she’d ever known welled up inside her. “They took my first and greatest love from me, and left me a broken, wretched carcass. When I finally escaped, I sought solace in my family.” She smiled bitterly. “They helped for a time, but when I came out of my sorrow and demanded vengeance, no one lifted a finger. They claimed it was too dangerous to leave the sea. They also thought to use it as an example of what would happen if anyone disobeyed their laws.”

  “Those bastards,” Sage spat, her green eyes sparking with anger.

  “Indeed,” Lilja said. “They were supportive as long as they didn’t have to leave their bubble of safety. It was there and then, that I left. I refused to reside with a people who were so apathetic that they wouldn’t fight for those they loved.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I fought. I caused mayhem. I mourned. Then, I found my purpose.”

  Sage leaned closer. “And what was that?”

  “I only had so much power at my disposal. So, I did my best to protect those who could not protect themselves, and I made sacrifices.”

  “So, you pirated.”

  “I did.”

  “Not for selfish gain, but to keep others from Scythia.”

  “Yes.” Lilja scooted forward in her chair. “I didn’t tell you this to excuse the choices I’ve made in life. I’m imperfect and I make mistakes, but I also stand by the choices I make. The reason I have explained my story, ma fleur, is so that you know you’re not alone. You will never experience what I experienced. I will fight for you with my dying breath. I will not turn a blind eye to your rage, pain, and sorrow. I will stand beside you and support you when you need it. You will never be made to feel like this was somehow your fault, and your horrors will not be turned into a life lesson.” She held out her hand to Sage. “I will always hold my hand out when you’re drowning, because that’s what you do when you love someone. That’s the meaning of true family and friendship.”

  Sage stared at her hand, her eyes becoming glossy. “What was her name?” she whispered.

  Soul-wrenching pain stabbed her. “Gem.”

  “Gem,” Sage said softly. Slowly, she stretched out a hand and placed it in Lilja’s. “I won’t ever let another girl face what you and I went through. I’ll fight for them. I’ll fight for Gem.”

  Lilja squeezed her niece’s hand, relief washing over her. Sometimes a person could lose themselves to bitterness and rage. But Sage hadn’t surrendered herself to the darkness; she was just lost.

  “As will I.”

  Lilja tugged on Sage and stood, pulling her into a hug.

  Sage stiffened for a moment then embraced Lilja in return, until her lungs felt like they would burst.

  “How do I survive this?” Sage whispered against her shoulder. “How do I come back from this?”

  “One day at a time, ma fleur.” Lilja pulled back and clasped Sage’s face between her palms. “Each day will be a fight, but it will get easier. I promise.”

  Her niece nodded. “I can fight.”

  Lilja smiled. “I know you can.” She pulled her into another hug and then stepped back.

  Sage met her gaze squarely. “I’m visiting Mira.” Her gaze dropped to her toes. “I need to be examined.”

  Lilja cursed, her rage almost choking her. So help her, if that fool prince asked that of her, she’d tie him to a rock and drown him, or maybe drop him in leviathan-infested water. “Did Tehl ask that of you?” she asked calmly.

  “No.” Sage shook her head. “He told me it wasn’t necessary, but I need to know.”

  “Sometimes knowing isn’t always better.”

  “True, but this might help the nightmares, and if there is a child…”

  Lilja clasped and squeezed her hands. “We’ll love it no differently.”

  Sage nodded, a tear dripping down her face. “I need to know. Will you come with me?”

  Stunned, she stared at her niece and again pulled her into a hug. “Of course, I’ll come with you. But wouldn’t you rather your mother was there?”

  “My mum has been through enough. This is one thing she doesn’t need to know, unless Mira finds something. I don’t want to worry her more than I already have.” She pulled back and wiped at her face. “You, my dear aunt, can handle it. You will stand by my side?”

  Lilja nodded. “I will.”

  She wouldn’t let Sage suffer alone. She would give her what no one else did.

  Vengeance.

  Sage

  She was going to puke.

  “Ma fleur, it’s going to be okay.”

  Lilja ran her hand over Sage’s arm in a soothing motion, but it did nothing to calm her nerves. She wanted to object to everything about the situation. The longer she lay on Mira’s table, the more she wanted to bolt from the room.

  “You don’t have to do this,” her aunt said in a hushed tone.

  Sage stared up at the ceiling. If only that was true. Much rode on the outcome of the examination.

  Mira walked through the door, and Sage’s stomach lurched. The blond healer closed the door, shutting off Jacob’s quiet humming from the main section of the infirmary.

  Mira moved to her right side and grinned at her. Sage gave her a wobbly smile and groped for Lilja’s hand. Long fingers clasped hers, and her heart slowed just a touch. She wasn’t alone. Everything would be okay.

  “Sage. I’ll be gentle, and it’ll be over before you know it.” Mira hesitated, her face a mask of concern. “Are you sure you want me to…?”

  “Yes.”

  She really wanted to shout ‘no,
’ but she didn’t have a choice. The examination had to be done. She hadn’t thought about it when she was in Scythia, but her flow had never come. It became glaringly apparent when she’d been lying in bed several days prior in the infirmary.

  Sage focused on the white-washed ceiling as Mira moved around to the end of the cot.

  “Please scoot down to the end,” Mira’s calm voice said.

  She complied and blew out a breath as the healer gently touched her knees.

  “Please let your legs fall to the side.”

  Sage gritted her teeth and closed her eyes, obeying Mira’s command. Lilja squeezed her hand in support which she squeezed in return. Breathe. That’s all she had to do. Breathe through the violation that was necessary because of him.

  She bit her lip as Mira began the examination. Her eyes teared up at the slight pinch, but it wasn’t the worst thing she’d ever experienced. Red flashed through her mind. Pain. Blood. Helplessness.

  “Almost over,” her friend said softly.

  Sage swallowed hard and focused on the swirls inside her lids. This was for the best. Not knowing was the worst. If she was with child, then she’d deal with it, but she couldn’t stand the nightmares that came each night when she imagined the worst. Dreaming of the warlord taking what wasn’t his while she slept and couldn’t move. She inhaled deeply to keep the contents of her stomach in her stomach.

  Her right hand moved from the table to her belly. She’d made the decision the day before that she’d love and adore the child with every single breath she took, despite how it was begotten. Children were innocent, and she’d not condemn an innocent for the sins of the damned.

  “All done.” Mira straightened and pulled the sheet over Sage’s legs.

  Sage forced her eyes open and lifted her head, meeting the deep blue gaze of one of her dearest friends. Mira broke into a huge smile, and Sage’s breath caught.

  “You’re intact, Sage. There’s no child. There’s been no ravishment.”

  A choked sob escaped her, and she lay back, tears streaking down her cheeks. No child. No violation. Zane had kept his word.