Queen of Monsters and Madness Read online

  The feline’s ear twitched at her name, but Nali otherwise made no move but to cuddle closer to the shivering Jasmine.

  “She doesn’t deserve this fate,” Blaise growled.

  “No, she doesn’t,” Sage whispered. Who knew how long Jasmine’s body could survive such a fever? It had to break. It had to. A wave of sorrow and guilt moved through her. Sage ruthlessly shoved her feelings down. They wouldn’t change anything. The best she could do was hope and pray.

  Sage exhaled and focused on Blaise. “Have you been taken care of?”

  “My care has been excellent.”

  “I can see with my own two eyes that you’re fine physically,” Sage said. “I meant, are they being kind to you?” Harsh words could be worse than a beating.

  “By ‘they,’ do you mean the royals?” Blaise asked, picking at her nails.

  “By the stars, you know how to skirt an issue,” Sage muttered. “Sam would be proud.”

  “I’m sure after the few months I spent in the dungeon, he understands my gift of avoidance.”

  Sage rolled her eyes. If they beat around the bush, she’d fall asleep before she got the information she wanted. “Is the Crown forcing you to do anything you don’t want to?” she demanded. “If so, I will march from this room and fix it right now.” And she would as soon as her legs stopped shaking.

  Blaise chuckled. “I’m sure you would, and it would be a sight to see, but don’t worry yourself. Your royals can’t make me do anything I don’t want to.”

  “You don’t have to help us.” Sage exhaled and said what she’d been rehearsing in her mind for the last half an hour. “You are Scythian, and you’re a wealth of knowledge, but you hold no allegiance to Aermia. I will not force you to help us, nor will I allow the Crown or council to either. You helped me escape that prison,” she said thickly. “That I can never repay. You have my everlasting gratitude.”

  The Scythian woman cocked her head, her dark braids sliding over her shoulder. “You aren’t the only one. You could’ve left me in the jungle.”

  “No, I couldn’t have.” No one deserved that fate. She would’ve killed Blaise before she allowed him to take her.

  A shrug. “Anyone I know would have.”

  She scowled. “Then you’ve surrounded yourself with the wrong people.”

  “That matters not,” Blaise said. “I am thankful nonetheless. You risked yourself for me. If the warlord had caught me, my fate would’ve been worse than death.”

  Sage breathed heavily, and bile flooded her mouth. She understood better than anyone what he would’ve done. Blaise would’ve suffered in an inhuman way.

  “For that reason,” Blaise soldiered on, “I give you my friendship and fealty.”

  Sage swallowed and shook her head. “You don’t owe me anything. As far as I’m concerned, we are equal.”

  “I want to help. That monster needs to be destroyed.”

  The room spun, but Sage held on, gritting her teeth. “This is a serious decision. You’ll have to fight your own people.”

  “So be it. The sacrifice will be worth the reward.”

  “It will be a thankless job.” Sage’s people would be suspicious of her. In their minds, Scythians were the monsters underneath the bed. Overcoming prejudice and deep-seated fear was no easy task.

  “Indeed.” Blaise grinned. “Your council wasn’t too happy with me today.”

  Sage’s brows rose. “You were at a war meeting today?”

  “It was more of a trial.”

  “Surely someone stood up for you?” Sage gritted her teeth. Someone better have.

  “A few, but the majority watched me with contempt and suspicion.” Blaise waved off Sage when she opened her mouth to retort. “I’m the enemy who ended up in their inner circle. I would’ve been suspicious as well. I will win them over. It’s only a matter of time. Despite their prejudice and wariness, they know how useful I will be to them.” She flashed Sage a smile that looked so much like Maeve.

  Maeve. Was the older woman okay? What kind of horrors would the warlord unleash on her? Shame washed over Sage for not thinking about her sooner. “Do you think your mother is all right?” she asked softly.

  Blaise sucked in her cheeks and nodded. “My mother is wise and clever. I doubt he has figured out who helped you, but the entire court will be under scrutiny from now on. It will be very dangerous at court.”

  Sage shivered and rubbed her arms. Even thinking about Scythia caused her skin to crawl. Her brows furrowed as she glanced around the room, realizing it was quite empty. “Where are my parents?” They promised they wouldn’t leave. It was unlike them to break such an oath.

  “Your mum needed a bath, your father is waiting outside of the infirmary, and the healer is fetching Lilja.”

  Some tension drained from her body. “Oh.”

  Blaise shuffled to a stand and hugged her. “Colm seemed to think we needed privacy. I’ll be back soon.”

  “You’ll keep me apprised of what’s going on?”

  Her Scythian friend grinned wickedly. “Why, princess, are you asking me to spy for you?”

  “It’s not spying if you should be there in the first place,” Sage called as Blaise moved toward the door.

  “True,” her friend said. “I’ll let your father in.”

  “Thank you, Blaise.”

  She paused in the doorway and bowed her head. “My pleasure, my friend,” she said before disappearing out the door.

  A moment later, the door creaked open and her papa peeked in, his gray-streaked, brown hair tousled. “Hey, love, you have company.” He pushed open the door, and Mira bustled in, followed by Lilja and Hayjen.

  There was no stopping the tears that always seemed to be lurking in the corners of her eyes. “Lilja,” she cried.

  The Sirenidae rushed to her side and threw her arms wide, wrapping them around her. A citrus aroma surrounded her as Sage pressed her face into Lilja’s silvery white hair. “Stars above, I missed you.”

  “I missed you, too, ma fleur,” Lilja whispered, her words rough.

  Huge arms circled both herself and Lilja, and her eyes sprung open. She lifted her head and smiled at Hayjen whose ice-blue eyes were surprisingly wet.

  “It’s so good to see you Sage,” her burly friend rasped.

  Lilja pulled back and pressed her long, graceful fingers against either side of Sage’s face. “My heart is so happy to see those beautiful green eyes.” She wiped her tracks of tears from her face only to have new ones appear. “Ma fleur, I dare say it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

  “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.” The words hurt coming out, but they were the ugly truth.

  Sage stared at Lilja’s face, and, to her horror, another face imposed over hers. Her breath hitched when Lilja blurred into Ezra. Her heart began to race, and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the apparition before her.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

  Ezra smiled, blood trickling from his mouth.

  “Sage?” a distorted voice asked.

  She tried to blink to dispel the nightmare, but she was frozen in place. He gurgled something that she didn’t understand. If only she could help him.

  “I’m so sorry,” she sobbed, wishing the memory would release her.

  Fingers dug into her shoulders and shook her roughly. She blinked hard and tore her eyes from Ezra, staring up into Hayjen’s very-worried face.

  “Can you hear me?” he asked softly.

  Her bottom lip trembled as she nodded her head, yes. More tears flooded her eyes as she stared at her friend, not daring to look in Lilja’s direction. She’d gone crazy. Specters of people haunted her everywhere she turned. There was no escape.

  “Your eyes blanked, and we couldn’t reach you. I’m sorry I shook you.” Hayjen touched her cheek and knelt on the side of her cot, rubbing Sage’s left hand between his. “Your hands are so cold.”

  Like her soul. Everything insi
de her was cold. If only it would numb the pain that plagued her. The guilt. The shame.

  “Ma fleur?”

  Sage slammed her eyes closed and held her right hand out to Lilja. The Sirenidae clasped her trembling fingers between her own. Maybe if she didn’t look at her, it wouldn’t happen again. She couldn’t handle seeing Ezra again, reliving that moment. Each minute was a struggle to hold on. Memories crashed into her, one after another, threatening to drown her.

  “I’m fine,” she whispered. It was a pretty lie.

  Lilja squeezed her hand. “What happened?”

  Death. Her past sins and demons were catching up with her. “Memories,” she choked out.

  “Oh, Sage,” Lilja said, her voice breaking.

  Sage turned back to Hayjen and opened her eyes to stare into his sad face. If she was her normal self, she would’ve hated the pity and sorrow in his eyes, but, at that point, she was too tired to even care. He could pity her if he kept holding her hand and kept the monsters at bay. Pathetic, really.

  Mira stepped next to Hayjen’s right side and leaned close to place a bottle of warmed water underneath the blankets.

  “Thank you,” Sage said, grateful for the heat now suffusing her body.

  “Anything for you, sis,” Mira said with a smile.

  Emotion clogged her throat for what felt like the umpteenth time. True friends were one in a million. They stuck around when things got bad, and, somehow, she’d managed to surround herself with so many wonderful people just like that.

  “Look at all the visitors,” a chipper voice exclaimed.

  Sage peeked at the door, staring past Lilja’s face at her mum, who bustled forward, her cheeks flushed, dark hair shiny and wet. She must have come straight from her bath without even drying her hair. Love and affection filled Sage. There was no one like her mum. She was the best.

  Her mum pecked her papa on the cheek and then pushed in between Lilja and Hayjen. She cupped Sage’s cheek and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. “How’s my favorite daughter?”

  “I’m your only daughter,” Sage said sarcastically, not missing a beat. Her mum had always said that since she and her brothers were children. She had her favorite daughter, favorite youngest son, and favorite oldest son.

  It was nice to play at something normal, even if she felt far from it.

  Her mum pulled back and cocked her head, frowning as she scanned Sage’s face. “What’s wrong?”

  Everything. “Nothing.” She forced a smile on to her lips.

  “You can’t lie to me, Sage Blackwell.” Her mum stopped and grinned. “Sage Ramses.” Her smile dimmed. “You never have been able to. I can see it on your face. It’s like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  Sage shivered. “Just memories.”

  Lilja’s jaw clenched, her papa’s fingers curled into fists, Hayjen stroked the back of her hand softly, and her mum hummed. Then Mira outright cursed.

  “That bastard,” Mira seethed. “If your family doesn’t get to him first, I will.”

  Sage blinked. She didn’t think she’d ever heard the blond healer curse.

  “Get in line,” Lilja whispered. The hard edge riding her voice caused Sage to shiver.

  Mira scanned the group. “You’re lucky to have such an amazing family.”

  “I am,” Sage said.

  Mira handed her a cup of tea. “I admit, I’m a little jealous. I never got to meet any of my aunts and uncles. They had died before I was born.”

  Sage slowly blinked. Aunt and uncle? What in the bloody hell? She glanced between her mum, papa, Lilja, and Hayjen.

  Lilja stiffened and Hayjen stopped warming her hand, but no one corrected Mira. They just watched Sage as she processed the healer’s words.

  Lilja and Hayjen were really her family? How many more surprises could she take?

  She sighed and settled on one simple word. “Why?”

  Why had they kept this from her?

  Sage

  “I’m so sorry,” Mira mumbled miserably. “No one told me it was a secret.”

  Sage sat up straighter, swung her legs over the cot to face the group, and patted the healer’s hand. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know, and you’re not the one who lied to me.” Stars above, she hated secrets.

  Mira’s stricken face crumpled further, but she nodded and bustled toward her herbs, leaving the group in an awkward silence.

  Sage eyed her family, reeling from the news. Why did they think they had to keep it a secret?

  “Why?” she asked again, staring her mum down.

  Her mum pursed her lips, but answered, “For protection.”

  What an opaque answer. “Protection from what?”

  Her mum glanced to Hayjen but kept silent.

  Sage’s attention slid to her burly friend, and she scrutinized the person she thought she knew.

  Lilja was clearly not her blood relation, so that left Hayjen. Her papa didn’t have any siblings, and her mama’s older brother died before Sage was born. Her eyes narrowed as she studied Hayjen. He looked close to her age, but she knew him to be much older, thanks to Lilja’s special seaweed. He didn’t exactly look like her mama, but the shape of his eyes, and the point of his nose hinted at…

  Hayjen held her gaze, not looking away as she worked through each piece of the puzzle.

  “So, you’re my mother’s brother?” she said softly.

  He smiled and nodded. “I am. Older brother.”

  “By several years,” her mum piped in with a smile.

  Even though she knew what Lilja’s herbs could do, her brain was having a hard time fathoming it. Hayjen looked like her mum’s younger brother, maybe even her son, and yet he was older than she was. He looked like Seb. “Do my brothers know?”

  “No,” her papa said. “It’s been too dangerous.”

  How long did they plan on keep the truth from her? “Were you going to tell me?” Was it just a happy circumstance that Mira said something she shouldn’t?

  “Of course,” her mum replied. “We’ve always planned on telling you when the time was right.”

  “When the time was right?” Sage repeated. How convenient. “I would have said the time was right when you sent me to Lilja in the first place. Don’t you think?”

  “I asked her to keep silent,” Lilja confessed.

  Sage forced herself to look at the Sirenidae. Magenta eyes so foreign from her own gazed at her with affection. “Go on.”

  Her aunt patted her leg. “You understand why I hide myself, right?”

  “You’d be hunted if others knew Sirenidae still existed.” And they would. People were relentless when their anger and greed got a hold of them.

  “Yes. People are greedy and desperate to live as long as they can and make the most out of the world they live in without consequence to others. But that’s not the only reason we kept silent. It was to protect your family.”

  “Your family would’ve been outcasts,” Hayjen said. “The old stories had a way of painting the Sirenidae people as monsters. No one would’ve come to the forge for anything. You’d have been forced out, and that’s the best-case scenario.”

  Sage nodded. That made sense. It felt like years ago that she’d met Lilja, but hadn’t that been her same response? Fear? “So, you lied.”

  Her mum nodded. “To protect those we love. It was a danger to them if we associated, and a danger to us.” She leaned close and cupped Sage’s cheek. “I was pregnant with you when they left the first time. We had more than just ourselves to worry about.”

  Hayjen squeezed Sage’s right hand. “We didn’t have another choice. The community knew your mum and me. I couldn’t hide. It was too dangerous to stay when I didn’t age any longer. So, I died.”

  “So, you died,” she whispered, turning to her mum. “I saw you cry for him. You told me you missed your brother.”

  “And I did. He was my only family. He practically raised me.”

  “Couldn’t you meet in secret?” Sage asked. Lilja’
s ship was perfect to hide people.

  “We did for a while,” Gwen explained. “But it became more dangerous after you and your brothers were born. We couldn’t risk you remembering them. So,” she sighed, “we wrote letters.”

  “Every couple of years I’d sneak to the forge and visit just long enough to see your mum and leave gifts,” Hayjen said with a smile.

  Her mind immediately went to the trunk that always sat at the end of her bed growing up, filled with trinkets and exotic gifts. So, that’s how they afforded some of the things. Sage had always figured her parents squirreled gold away.

  She glanced around the group. It still hurt that they hadn’t told her the truth. They had lost so much time together. And if there was one thing she understood, it was that time was most precious. You never knew how much of it you’d have with someone.

  “I would’ve kept quiet, you know,” Sage said.

  “Ma fleur, I know you would’ve,” Lilja said, a tear sneaking out of the corner of her eye. “But, again, it was too dangerous. If anyone suspected a thing, your whole family would’ve been in jeopardy.” Her aunt leveled her with a serious look. “You know, as well as I do, that information can be extracted.”

  Sage swallowed hard. She did. Everyone had a breaking point.

  “Do you forgive us?” her mum asked.

  “There’s nothing to forgive. You were just doing what you thought was best. I don’t necessarily agree with everything you did, but—” She shrugged. “I don’t know what I would’ve done in that situation. The only thing I’m upset about is all the lost time.” She smiled at her family. “I would’ve loved growing up around the Sirenidae.”

  Lilja wiped her face and pulled her into a hug. “You’re always welcome in my home.”

  “And what of the sea?” She’d love to go for another swim.

  Her aunt pulled back with a grin. “As soon as you’re well enough, I’ll take you for a swim. The Leviathans are getting ready to have their pups.”

  If anyone else said that to Sage, she’d pass out from fear, but not Lilja. She had a wonderfully strange effect on the sea monsters. They acted almost as pets, and it was something to behold. She’d never forget swimming with the majestic creatures, or the peace of being in the embrace of the sea. Peace was something she severely lacked.