Queen of Monsters and Madness Read online

  Her brows furrowed as a thought occurred to her. “Were any of the stories you told me of how you met true?”

  “Some,” Hayjen said. “If you have any questions, all you need to do is ask.”

  Her gaze dropped to his scarred wrists. “Were you a slave?”

  “I was,” he said gruffly. “Lilja saved me, though.”

  A chest-rattling cough interrupted them. She glanced over her shoulder at Jas. Even in the short period of time since this morning, she looked worse.

  “Is there nothing you can do for her?” she asked Lilja.

  “I’ve done everything I can. Her body is so weak.”

  Sage hung her head. “Will she die?”

  “I don’t know. Jacob, Mira, and myself are doing everything we can to undo what those animals did.”

  Jasmine being stabbed flashed through Sage’s mind, momentarily blinding her. Dots moved across her vision and metal bit into her wrist while she screamed for her friend.

  “Just breathe, ma fleur. The memories are just that, memories. They’re not happening right now. They’re not real.”

  “They’re very real,” Sage growled, her fingers clenching the sheet beneath her.

  “They’ll fade in time. I promise.”

  “How do you know?” None of hers had. Demons plagued her everywhere she looked, every time she closed her eyes.

  “Because I’ve been there. I know what goes on and I promise you, it will fade. You’ll heal.”

  A buzzing filled her ears as she blinked away the dots and focused on Lilja’s sensual features. She couldn’t have heard that right. “What do you mean you’ve ‘been there’?”

  “I was also held captive in Scythia, so I understand your pain.”

  Lilja said it so plainly. Like she was speaking about the weather, not the hell that Scythia was. Not like she’d just broken what was left of Sage’s heart.

  “When?” she rasped.

  “At least thirty years ago.”

  Thirty years. Sage blinked. Lilja had known what was happening for thirty years and she’d done nothing. A blind rage filled her vision, and, before she knew what was happening, she’d slapped Lilja across the face. Her family gaped at her in shock, and she stared at her hand, wondering how it moved on its own.

  Lilja touched her cheek and turned back to Sage, completely unruffled. “Anger is okay,” she soothed. “It’s okay to be angry.”

  It wasn’t about anger. It was about betrayal. Her body began to tremble as she stared at Lilja. The creature in front of her had played human all these years and not stopped the monstrosities across the border. “You knew this entire time they were taking women? Hurting them? Using them as breeders?”

  “Yes.”

  Bile burned her throat. She was just as guilty as the Scythians by doing nothing. “And yet you’ve done nothing?”

  “That’s not true,” Hayjen spoke. “I was a slave headed to Scythia. My ship was full of women, and Lilja saved us all. We’ve been destroying their suppliers at sea for years, rescuing girls.”

  But they didn’t save her. Her eyes slid to Jasmine. Or Jas. “This has been going on for years, and you’ve told no one?”

  “Who would’ve believed them, love?” her mum asked gently. “They’re pirates.”

  “The king would have,” she spat. Marq never judged someone based on their appearance or their lot in life.

  “Many went forward, but they were considered only rumors. They weren’t important enough to garner attention,” her uncle explained. “They needed proof. Solid witnesses.”

  “You’re telling me that Poseidon’s daughter wouldn’t be received well by the king?” She shook her head at her family’s startled looks. “Come now, don’t be coy. I’ve done my studies and put the pieces of the puzzle together. Lilja could only come from the royal line. You had the power to make a change and you didn’t.” Sage stabbed a finger at Lilja. “You told me it was my responsibility to help if I was in the position to. You are a coward and a hypocrite.” She cleared her throat to keep it from cracking, and gestured to her face. “If you had done as you asked me to months ago, this would not have happened.”

  “We can’t change the past, love,” her papa admonished.

  “That I understand well.” Her eyes began to well up. “But Lilja protected herself and the Sirenidae people, and, because of that, thousands have been tortured in…” Her breath hitched. “In unspeakable ways. Thousands more will die in the upcoming war.”

  “I’m so sorry you’ve been hurt.” Lilja’s voice cracked. “It kills me that you were hurt.”

  “Hurt?” she scoffed. “He didn’t hurt me. He burnt me down to the ground and then formed me in the way that pleased him the most.” She gagged while tears ran down her face. “How did you get out?” she found herself demanding. How had Lilja escaped that hell?

  “I was given to a warrior and his men. One of them helped me escape.”

  A warrior helped her?

  “Who?” What were the odds it was someone she knew?

  “His name was Blair.”

  The nausea hit her, and she bent over the side of the cot, emptying the contents of her stomach. Blair, the man who’d tried to protect—but also hurt—her. The one with a pregnant slave at his side. She heaved again.

  Mira slid a pot underneath her and held back her hair as she continued to retch.

  “This is too much for her,” Mira said sternly. “You need to leave.”

  Sage wiped the corners of her mouth and straightened, her bitterness and rage threatening to drown her. “He helped you escape?”

  “Yes. Did you know him?” Lilja asked.

  She cackled. “Oh, I knew him. He beat me regularly on our journey to Scythia. Even stripped me in front of his men.”

  Her mum gasped and began to cry, but Lilja didn’t look away. Sage wanted her to, to be ashamed. To understand the pain and suffering she caused because of her inaction. “I can’t abide to look at you,” she said heatedly. “You are not my family, nor my friend. Get out, and don’t come back.”

  “I will come back when you need me,” Lilja said softly.

  “Oh, you will,” Sage said darkly. “War is coming, and I’ll need your people to step up. They’ve hidden all these years, and it’s time they faced the monster they’ve been hiding from and fight alongside the rest of us. You will aid me in that.”

  “Sage,” Hayjen began, but she pulled her hand out of his.

  “Get out.”

  He studied her, his lips pinched, and then stood. She ignored him as he placed a kiss on her forehead.

  “Everything will turn out all right,” he whispered. “We’ll always be here for you.”

  Except they weren’t. Where had they been when she was taken? How could she trust the words of cowards and liars?

  Lilja stood slowly, not looking away from her. “I know what this is. I’ve done it myself. I will never abandon you, ma fleur. Never. I love you. When the time comes, I will come when you call.”

  What an ideal notion. “Lies.”

  “Sage,” her papa said softly.

  She turned to her parents. Even though she wanted them to stay and not leave her, she couldn’t handle looking at them. They didn’t deserve her anger and poison. “Please leave.”

  “Love, I’m not leaving you.” Her mum’s face hardened. “I’m your mother.”

  Sage turned to Mira, who stood by her side like a quiet sentinel. “They need to leave.”

  Mira stared down at her, searching her face before turning to her family. “You all need to leave. Your presence is upsetting her. I only agreed to allow you in here as long as you didn’t disturb her.”

  “No,” her mum argued.

  “Yes,” Mira said with a steely edge. “If you do not leave, I’ll have you escorted out.”

  Her mum glanced at Sage for help.

  “Please leave, Mum. I need—” She hiccupped. “I need to be alone.”

  Her mum tossed a nasty glare Mira’s w
ay and wrapped Sage in a huge hug. “I’ll be right outside the door if you need me. I love you.”

  “Love you,” she whispered back.

  She watched as her family filed out of the infirmary, and she felt nothing, even though they all looked as if they’d lost. That was her fault. She knew it, and yet she couldn’t stop herself from lashing out.

  The old saying was true.

  You always hurt the ones you love.

  Sage

  “Please, wake up, please,” Sage whispered, brushing a strand of sweaty hair from Jasmine’s gaunt face. She winced as another wet cough wracked Jasmine’s fragile body. In the three days since she’d awoken, Jasmine had only worsened. Each breath she took was a struggle. Sage clutched her friend’s limp hand and kissed her knuckles.

  “You have to wake up, Jas. You have to.”

  “You need to go back to your own cot,” Mira said softly. “I don’t want you to get sick. You’ve only just recovered yourself.”

  It wasn’t possible to obey Mira’s request even if she wanted to. Her legs had long since gone numb while kneeling next to her friend’s bed.

  “How can I leave her when I’ve done this to her?” she whispered.

  Mira knelt next to her, her hand resting on Sage’s right shoulder. “This isn’t your fault. She’s here because you saved her.”

  “Have I really?”

  No. In her heart, she knew Jasmine would die. Only instead of a quick death, it would be long and painful. She’d drown from the fluid in her lungs. An awful, brutal way to die.

  “You need to rest.”

  “All I’ve done is rest.” Sage swiped at her wet eyes. Or attempted to, at least. Sleep evaded her.

  “No. I’ve hardly seen you sleep.”

  Sage slid her gaze toward the healer. “Except for when you drug me.” That was the worst. It trapped her in the nightmares.

  Mira’s lips thinned. “I wouldn’t have to drug you if you slept. You can’t go on without sleep.”

  She turned back to Jas, ignoring Mira. She couldn’t sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, he was waiting for her. No sleep was better than the nightmares she couldn’t escape from.

  She swallowed hard. The sick part of it was that she missed someone holding her at night. A curse tumbled from her lips as a tear slipped down her cheek. Maybe this was penance for her sins.

  “This isn’t your fault.”

  “Someone should pay.”

  “Yes, but not the innocent,” her friend said. “You blame yourself for everything. Even the things you can’t control. Sometimes, things happen that we can’t control. That’s just life.”

  “I’m no innocent. If you knew the things I’ve done…” She bowed her head. “I deserve to pay for my sins.”

  “Pay for your sins? Oh, Sage.” Mira sighed. “My God would not punish you this way. He’s known for love, not suffering. Why would he take someone you loved? Or punish Jasmine when she’s helped you? That makes no sense. It would hurt the innocent. Only someone cruel would do that.”

  When Sage didn’t respond, Mira muttered under her breath, “I think you need to leave the infirmary.”

  “What?” Sage whipped around.

  “I agree with that,” Jacob said, shuffling into the room.

  “I’m not leaving,” Sage said, holding Jasmine’s hand a little tighter. Her place was at Jasmine’s side. “Plus, you have all been telling me I can’t leave for days.”

  “Three days,” Mira remarked. “And you’ve caused mischief the entire time.”

  Sage ignored her as Jacob edged around the cot and leaned over Nali to rest a hand upon Jasmine’s forehead. The leren cracked an eye and then ignored him, much like Sage wished to after his last comment.

  “Her fever hasn’t increased, but it hasn’t lessened, either.” His peculiar bronze eyes narrowed on her through his round spectacles. “You’re making yourself ill by staying here.”

  “How can I leave her?” Sage asked, wiping a damp cloth against Jasmine’s temple. “She deserves to have family at her side to watch over her.” To protect her.

  Jacob laid a wrinkly hand over hers and pulled the cloth from her hand. “And no one should have to watch someone they love die.”

  She glared at Jacob. “She’s not going to die.” Sage wouldn’t allow it. Jas had too much ahead of her to die.

  His eyes softened into something sad, yet knowing. “She’s not well, Sage. I don’t know how much longer she’ll remain.”

  A sob caught in her throat. She hated lies, but, now, all she wanted was for him to lie to her. “Is there nothing we can do?”

  “We’ve done everything we possibly can for her.”

  “Fix her, damn it!” she cried.

  Nali’s ears laid back, and she hissed at the Healer as Sage’s tears blurred Jacob into a collage of color.

  “I’ve done all I can. But you can help her, Sage,” he said, frowning at the feline.

  “How?” she croaked.

  “By leaving,” he pleaded. “Despair clings to you like a cloak. That will not help her. She needs peace and quiet. If you love her, you’ll leave.”

  A bark of laughter burst out of Sage. What a clever way to get rid of her. “I see through your games, old man,” she growled.

  He was manipulating her, but she wouldn’t challenge him and stay if she would hinder Jasmine’s recovery.

  She leaned close to Jasmine’s ear. “Listen here, Jas. There are two precious children in this castle waiting for you. You will not abandon them a second time. You must get better. Don’t let the monsters win. Don’t let them take your family from you.”

  Sage pressed a kiss to her pale cheek and then stood on shaking legs. She pushed back her shoulders and stared down her nose at the Healer. “I’ll go, but you’ll keep me apprised of her health.”

  “Yes, my lady.” He bowed. “There’s an escort waiting for you outside the door.”

  She nodded and turned on her heel to leave.

  A rumble stopped her in her tracks. Sage walked around the cot and placed a hand on either side of Nali’s face. As much as she didn’t want to part with her companion, Jasmine needed her more. “I need you to stay here and help her.”

  The feline’s alert, golden eyes blinked as she stared at Sage.

  “Stay, please.”

  Nali whined and bumped her nose against Sage’s cheek. “I’ll come back for you, but I need you to keep helping Jas. And no eating anyone,” she added.

  The leren gave her a good lick with her rough tongue and snuggled back down beside Jasmine. It was decided then. Sage scratched Nali behind the ear, receiving a contented purr before she moved toward the door, dread sitting in her belly like a lump of lead.

  Sage hesitated, her hand hovering over the doorknob. This was what she’d been begging for over the last three days, and yet…a thrill of fear went through her. Once she stepped out of this door, she wasn’t safe—or, rather, she left the illusion of safety behind.

  Sage closed her eyes and prepared herself, pulling open the door. Her eyes snapped open, and she froze. Her papa and mum stood to the side speaking between themselves, but it was the big man grinning at her that caused her lungs to seize.

  “Garreth,” she breathed, not daring to move lest she disturbed the apparition. “I’m so sorry.” Another senseless death on her hands. At least she could apologize for her stupidity.

  “Nothing to be sorry about, love. Now, let’s get you up to your room.”

  She still remembered the first time he had carried her to her room. She couldn’t even walk and was so scared of what they’d do to her. It felt like a thousand years ago, not months.

  “Love?” her mum asked.

  Sage opened her eyes, not realizing she’d closed them. “Are you here to help me to my room?” she asked, ignoring another one of the ghosts haunting her.

  Her mum’s brow wrinkled. “We’re coming with you, but,” she said, gesturing to Garreth, “this nice gentleman will be the one helping yo
u.”

  She gurgled and glanced between her mum and Garreth. “You can see him, too?” Please say yes.

  Gwen’s fingers tightened on her own. “Yes, love.”

  A cry gurgled in her throat, and she threw herself against Garreth. “You’re okay?”

  Big arms wrapped around her. “No one told you?” he rasped.

  She shook her head no, his leather breastplate rubbing against her face. “I thought you died,” she cried. “He told me you died.”

  “I’m okay, love. I’m okay,” he soothed, running his hand over her tangled hair. “It’s all right. I’m just fine.” He pulled back and grinned at her. “See? Nothing wrong.” He hoisted her up into his arms and smiled. “No man can keep me down.”

  She smiled wobbly and wrapped her arms around his neck as he began walking through the hall. Once again, the world had turned on itself. After being away from the castle, it felt foreign, not like her home. She turned her thoughts from the things around her and stared at the side of Garreth’s face. New scars adorned his countenance, and his nose was slightly crooked.

  “If you keep staring at me like that, I think the crown prince might take exception to it.”

  “Did Rhys give you these?” she asked as more warriors added to their ranks. Her fingers dug into the cloak that hung off his shoulders as she avoided the glances cast her way. Garreth glanced at her and moved faster, accentuating the limp she didn’t bother asking about. It was the sick kind of thing Rhys would have done.

  “He gave them to me.” A smile. “Don’t worry, princess, they add to my beauty, do they not?”

  “They certainly do,” she whispered. In truth, the scars were jagged and ugly, but, to her, they were a badge of honor, of survival. They’d both survived that monster. “My guess is that women fall all over themselves for you.”

  A snort. “They can’t keep their hands off of me.”

  “Garreth,” her mum chastised.

  “Forgive me, my lady,” he said, looking anything but apologetic.